sheilatakeabow
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Happy Birthday Morrissey!!!!
Awww!!! Mozzer is 45 today!!! I bought his new album on tuesday and it's bloody fantasic!!!! My favourite track is probably "Let Me Kiss You". The lyrics just make me wanna cry!!! God I would do anything to be going to the gig he's playing in Manchester tonight!!! I bet he is gorgeous as ever!!! Hmmm? So what exciting things have I been up to since my last entry??? Fuck all!!!! On thursday Joe kindly pinted out that I was an annoying bitch!! And he's right, I am!!! I mean I can be so horrible to peole and I hate myself for it!!! I hate myself anyways!!! I mean what is the point in me living eh? I came home on thursday and went straight to my room and got changed, ten grabbed my razor blade and went up to the woods behind my house. There I cut my arms over and over and over, watching the blood stream down my arms and land on the earth below. God it felt good!!!! Even thinking about it now I feel good!!! I took the day off school yeaterday. Just couldn't be fucked with it or them no more!!! I hate them!! I hate me!!!
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MORRRISY IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yeah!!! Watched Mozz's interview on johnathon ross last night and oh my god!!!! It was bloody fantastic!!!! He is just the same as he is in all the many interviews I've read!!! And that version of "Everyday Is Like Sunday"-WOW!!!! Ooooooooh I just love him more than ever and I am sooooo getting his new album on Monday!!!
So my weekend has been interesting so far!!! Last night Joe and I got stopped by the police for carrying a ladder!!!!! What happened was Joe got a ball stuck between his tv ariel and wall. So he thought he could get it back down if he threw the garden hose up and hit it down, but it also got stuck so I thought I'd help him!!! We went up to mine and carried my Pa's ladder over the road to his and got it down. Then when we were taking it back over the road the police stopped us and asked us what we were doing but I don't think they believed us!!! I really kie him again and when we were standing talking to the police I was in front of him with the ladder between us holding the ladder with my hand on top of his hand!!! Fuck that sounds really sad bad I really love him!!! His wee sis is friends with meggie so she stayed over last night. Then today we all had a big water fight and Joe had the hose!!! I managed to get it of him and soak him too!!! Hmmm? going to get some food now!! =)
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Fuck!!!!!!
Hmmm? Well isn't life just great!? Yesterday I went to see maggie again and she asked me how I would feel about anti-depressants!!! OK so that wan't really what I was expecting!! Don't they like seriously fuck you up in the head? I mean I'm already fucked up so I don't want to get any worse!! Plus I don't even think I need them, ok so I like to cut my wrists now and again but really that don't mean I depressed does it??? Hmmm? Fuck only knows!! I was speaking to Screech again last night and he told me he still loved Allie!!! So that's great, they love each other and now they are going to get back together!! Ah well I suppose he was hers to begin with and as long as he happy!! I still can't help feeling a bit jealous of Allie having someone who loves her and being soooooo much more pretty than me!!! Fuck!!! I just wish I never went with him then I might not be feeling this shit right now!!!
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Hmmm? Nothing much been happening today. Allie was working in the morning and in the afternoon we went a walk along the canal. It started to rain though and we got soaked!!! She is away home now. I really can't be assed with school tomorrow!! Fuck!!! I still feel really low and I'm not sure why???? Screech phoned me last night but it wan't long before he asked to speak to Allie coz he knew she was staying with me!!! He then spoke to me for a while when Allie had to do something and he told me to skip the song I was listening!!! It was his favourite one from my scissor sisters album but for some reason he really didn't want to hear it!!! Ah well!! Hmmm? Think I'll go for now!! Hope everyone has had a good holiday weekend!!!
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"Deep in the cell of my heart , I will feel so glad to go..."
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go
-Morrissey
Today I feel like shit!!! I am stuffed up with the cold and not only that but I feel really low for no reason!! I cut again last night, sometimes I wish I had the guts to cut deep enough to just end this miserable life!! Allie has been staying with me since Friday coz her parents are in Inverness for the holiday weekend, so she is staying till tomorrow. It's cool to have her around and we just do our own thing so she isn't around me all the time!!! I was speaking to Screech last night, it hurts when I think about him still!!! I really like him!! Allie and him have made up again after their row and she was on the phone to him last night. She said he'd told her it was best if him and I were just friends and he liked her still!!!! Fuck!!! Sometimes I wish Allie wouldn't tell me stuff like that!! I don't think she realizes just how much I want him!! Hmm? I can't be bothered to write anymore, maybe write later??
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FUCK!! I sooooooo confused!!!!
Hey! I tried to get onto 20six last night but it wouldn't let me  !!!!!! Anyways, yesterday I went to see Maggie, the psychiatrist!!! I was soooooo fucking scared, I was shaking before I went in!!! She asked me lots of stuff, including why I decided I needed to see her again so I told her about what happened on Sunday night and how shit I was feeling!!! She told me she needs to speak to me again and get to know me better but she said it's possible I could be depressed!! I'm not sure though, I mean my Mum had an awful life with depression and I don't think I'll ever be as low as her!! Hmmm? I'm going back next wednesday anyways so hopefully I'll find it helps me!! OH!!!! Last night I was speaking to Screech on the phone and we are totally cool now, anyways he told me he liked another girl in my school!!!!! That really hurt me to hear that and after I got off the phone I went and texted Suzz to tell her I was feeling a bit shit coz I still like him loads but I was glad we were still friends. OK nothing wrong with that is there? Thren about 10mins later Screech phoned back agian and said thanks for the text!!!! FUCK!!!!!! FUCK!!!!! FUCK!!!! I couldn't believe it, I'd sent the text to him instead of Suzz be accident!!! I felt sooooooo bloody stupid but he saw the funny side thank fuck!!! He even offered to forward it on to the person I meant to sent it to but I said it was ok!!! I thought I'd gone and bown any chance of being friends after that!! But about 11:30 last night I got a text from him which said "Hello Sexy"!!!! I thought that the text was for someone else so I told him he'd sent it to the wrong person but he texted back to say it were meant for me!!!!! OK, now I was seriously confused!!! He started flirting lots, even asked if I wanted to jump into bed with him!!! So I thought I'd phone him and then he just go weirder and weirder asking if I wanted to come and massage him and stuff like that!!! But I told him he shouldn't ask stuff like that coz we were just friends and you don't ask your friends that kind of thing, to which he replied that we wern't "normal friends"!!!!! God I wish he wouldn't do that coz it just makes me want him more and I can't have him coz he likes that other girl!!! He said he still liked me and I told him I was glad to hear it jokingly and then he kinda seemed a bit hurt!!! Do you think he could still like me????? Fuck I hope so!!!! Hmmm? I better go for now coz we got no school tomorrow or monday and Allie is staying all weekend while her parents go away so I really need to go tidy my room!!! OH!!! Everyone MUST go and BUY NME coz there are POSTERS of MORRISSEY!!!!!!!!! Byes 
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"Stop me if you think you've heard this before..."
Hello! Last night I was soooooo scared and sick of my life!!! I just got thinking about stuff and then I decided to phone Screech!! He was really sweet and didn't shout at me or anything which is a good sign!!! I didn't apeak for long though and then when I got off the phone I just burst into tears!! Fuck what is happening to me??? I never cry!!! I mean ever since my Mum died I have forced myself not to!! Anyways, I began to think about stuff and realized how much I missed my Mum!!! I just wanted to see her again!!! So I went to my drawer and took out my painkillers I keep for headaches and stuff. I then counted them.... I had 33 ibuprofen and 20 paracetamol. I thought about taking them and was so close to just grabbing some drink from the cupboard in the kitchen and taking the lot!!! I even texted my best guy friend and asked him if he thought that would be enough to kill me!!! Afterwards I did feel a bit stupid bout sending it, but at the time I really wanted to just end it..... this fucking great pain which is my life!!!! I decided to cut and then see how I felt. So I got out my towels, razor and baby wipes and slit my wrists over and over again!!! After I went to my bed, feeling a little weird!! I was woken at 7:45 this morning with a text from my friend telling me what I asked wasn't even funny just fucking stupid!!! Well I wasn't actually trying to be funny!!!! I cried agian on the way to school, not sure why?? I think at first it was coz I miss Screech but after a while I think it was just for everything I have wanted to cry about since Mum and just couldn't bring myself to do it!!! When I got into school I went straight to my guidance teacher and asked him to get me an appointment with the psychiatrist I went to see a while ago. He said he would and let me know when he got something!!! I felt no numb all day and when I got home I just went to my bed!! I feel like shit!!
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